The Future

Last night I made official what I had already told some people- I will be leaving as Lehigh Valley Young Democrats President at the end of the year. It is not a terribly shocking announcement, I'm only eligible for one more term because of age, and frankly it's a good time to let someone else take charge. I built a pretty nice executive board of 20 somethings, and they are more than ready to run the group for the next decade. I did my job in getting it started.

The only reason this is worth a post is because of the larger signal I guess it sends about my life- geography is no longer a factor. I spent this past weekend in DC, and a previous weekend, and I enjoyed it both times. Before that I spent two months in North Carolina, and I enjoyed that too. Obviously my home will never really change, but I'm realizing the time to stop limiting myself is now. I'm 33. I've spent better than a decade building relationships and making friends, sometimes better than others, and the time to make it count for something is now. While I will remain a resident of Palmer Township, in the Easton area of Pennsylvania, there are new challenges ahead. They require me to free up some of my time and efforts.

Nobody can run everything, nor should they. I declined a nomination to run for my local committee's treasurer, and I will only remain as the strategy and new media committee chairman positions for 2017 on that body. I will remain in my role as a county and state Democratic Committee member, and I will expand my campaign footprint for 2017. I intend to fight like hell against an oncoming Presidency that I oppose. The stakes are high- particularly for my friends who do not benefit from the privileges and advantages that I do. Now is not the time for silence.

I am also 33 years old. The time for direction in life has arrived. While I have enjoyed spending the last 14 years of my life wondering in the political world, it is time to have a career, not just a job. It is time to perhaps do some adulting too. I have other roles, outside of politics, such as my role on the Moravian College alumni board, which I want to put some more serious time into moving forward. I'd like to have a personal life yet, and I'd like to see some new and different places. There is a great big world out there, and there's much for me to learn from it.

The point of all of this is the realization that I am finally free from a life outlook that was entirely based around a singular future campaign, and the constraints it placed on me. I don't know entirely what that means yet, but I am excited to find out. I'm also excited to speak out in my own, independent voice. Lord knows that we need more of them moving forward.

Thinking About What's Next For Me

For roughly the last two months, I've been in North Carolina, working for the Democratic Party in this state to elect Hillary Clinton, Deborah Ross, Roy Cooper, and the whole ticket. Unfortunately, the only piece of that which is coming to pass is Roy Cooper, who's election is a monumental victory for the LGBT community over a homophobic governor, and for decency and understanding everywhere over bigotry and scapegoating of whole groups of people. Of course, his victory is still subject to a recount.

Yesterday I took a ride with one of my organizers out to close up a couple of her offices. The ride took a couple hours from Raleigh, and frankly was helpful for me. In listening to her talk about her internal conflict over whether or not to go back to Myanmar to work, I realized two very disturbing things about myself and the future:

1. I no longer have a real plan for the future. That plan came crashing down with Tuesday's loss, as going back to DC and looking for a government role is no longer an option.
2. I have no f***ing clue what I even really want to do next. 

The first observation was something obvious, something I would probably have come to at some point in the next week, as I come out of the fog of tiredness that follows all elections. There isn't going to be a Clinton Administration in 2017. I didn't go to the Obama Administration. If I still want to chase the dream of working at some (any) level in an administration, I'll have to do that in 2020 or later. 

The second point alarmed the hell out of me. Do I want to wait until 2019 in this game, and go back to Iowa or South Carolina, or go to New Hampshire or Nevada, or better yet, HQ for a candidate? Do I want to do elections in between? Do I want to go back to school, full or part time, to finish a grad degree? What is the dream now? Beyond the dream, I basically just put off some of the prime years of my young adulthood waiting on something that never happened. I'm 33 now. Do I want a wife and kids? Do I want stability? Do I want to keep living out of suitcases as I'm dropped into new places, some of which are more exciting than others? This experience in North Carolina was shorter than I am used to, and yet it was one of the most draining experiences I've had. I'm happy I did it. I'm grateful to the campaign for giving me the opportunity. I just am leaving somewhat disappointed.

I have absolutely zero intention of leaving politics any time soon. The 2016 election left me disgusted on many levels, and I'm just sad for the country right now. I see my party being ripped apart by a civil war over it's future direction, and I also see the other party taking aim at destroying Medicare, rolling back LGBT rights, and following an environmental doctrine of science-denial, to say the least of their sins. Whether it's as a staff person for a campaign, a party leader on the state Democratic Party, or as a candidate for public office, I'm not walking away right now. I think our nation is doing itself a great disservice right now. I want to be a part of the fight to bring it back, somehow or other. I just don't know exactly how that will look for me.

I have a million and one questions in my head right now, and many of them were spurred by that one conversation over several hours. What in the hell is next for me? Could several things be next for me? I honestly count 2016 as one of the worst years of my life- deaths in the family, the death of my dog, near financial ruin, and losing this damn election- and yet I had some of the highest honors (The Easton Democrats honoring me as Young Dem of the Year and Moravian naming me to the Alumni Board) in this same year. I really need to clear my head.

In the immediate term, I'm here through Monday, at least. When I leave here, I plan on making a stop in Philadelphia or Washington, DC, or both for a night. I'll go home for a day or two then, and then I'll go to New York City for a day or two. After that it will be Thanksgiving, I'll get a chance to throw back some cold ones with the people I grew up with, hear about their lives, and maybe forget about mine for a few days. After that? I guess then it'll be time to not be in this fog, not be unsure, and not have any more doubts. I'm an extremely confident person in my own talents, but for now I have to figure out what I'm going to use them for.